Can I be honest for just a minute and say that I am still trying to get past my anger over being fired from Holy Spirit?
I've tried to cover it as best I can, and to make it seem as if it didn't really bother me that much or laugh it off as ridiculous or whatever, but the reality is that I have been really ticked off ever since it happened. The reason I get mad about it is I never got a satisfactory answer to the question "WHY". Why was I let go?
The only answer I ever got was "the youth group is not where we'd like it to be after four years of you being here"
What does that mean? There are a bunch of unanswered questions in that statement, but its the only answer I was given, and that made me mad...
I've spent the last few months trying to make myself busy, to pretend that I've moved on, etc... but when my brain relaxed and went into "screen-saver" mode, thats what I thought about.
I was talking about this with a good friend this weekend. He told me that I have been asking myself the wrong question. There is no answer to "Why". Even if Fr. David were to give me a straight answer (insert smart-aleck comment here) it wouldn't do any good, because there would be a new "why" question waiting behind it. The "why" of it is never going to be answered satisfactorily in this case, because you're never going to be able to convince me that it was a good decision.
The question I should be asking, he said, was "HOW".
I believe Jeremiah 29:11 when it says that God has a plan for my life and I believe Rick Warren when he says we have a Purpose. So the question needs to be HOW do i fulfill God's plan for my life now. How do I fulfill His Purposes? Those things haven't changed, even though my circumstances have. God's plan is going according to plan. His purposes will be fulfilled... I can choose to take a part in that or I could sit here and cry and whine about how unfair things are and stay stuck in WHY.
WHY is review mirror driving. I've told my students for years that you can't drive your car looking in the rearview mirror all the time... If you aren't looking where you are going, you're going to have a wreck. Its the same in life, you can't be looking back all the time, there is a time for reflection and a time for moving on. If your "reflection" time is all the time, you aren't going to get anywhere.
So, my focus has changed to how. I can't say that I'm not mad anymore, but I'm getting past it. There are hurts in your life that take a long time to heal, and this is one of them for me. To put it in Paul's words from The Message, " I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."
I've tried to cover it as best I can, and to make it seem as if it didn't really bother me that much or laugh it off as ridiculous or whatever, but the reality is that I have been really ticked off ever since it happened. The reason I get mad about it is I never got a satisfactory answer to the question "WHY". Why was I let go?
The only answer I ever got was "the youth group is not where we'd like it to be after four years of you being here"
What does that mean? There are a bunch of unanswered questions in that statement, but its the only answer I was given, and that made me mad...
I've spent the last few months trying to make myself busy, to pretend that I've moved on, etc... but when my brain relaxed and went into "screen-saver" mode, thats what I thought about.
I was talking about this with a good friend this weekend. He told me that I have been asking myself the wrong question. There is no answer to "Why". Even if Fr. David were to give me a straight answer (insert smart-aleck comment here) it wouldn't do any good, because there would be a new "why" question waiting behind it. The "why" of it is never going to be answered satisfactorily in this case, because you're never going to be able to convince me that it was a good decision.
The question I should be asking, he said, was "HOW".
I believe Jeremiah 29:11 when it says that God has a plan for my life and I believe Rick Warren when he says we have a Purpose. So the question needs to be HOW do i fulfill God's plan for my life now. How do I fulfill His Purposes? Those things haven't changed, even though my circumstances have. God's plan is going according to plan. His purposes will be fulfilled... I can choose to take a part in that or I could sit here and cry and whine about how unfair things are and stay stuck in WHY.
WHY is review mirror driving. I've told my students for years that you can't drive your car looking in the rearview mirror all the time... If you aren't looking where you are going, you're going to have a wreck. Its the same in life, you can't be looking back all the time, there is a time for reflection and a time for moving on. If your "reflection" time is all the time, you aren't going to get anywhere.
So, my focus has changed to how. I can't say that I'm not mad anymore, but I'm getting past it. There are hurts in your life that take a long time to heal, and this is one of them for me. To put it in Paul's words from The Message, " I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."
Comments