Nearly exactly ten years ago I went on my first job interview to become a full-time youth minister. As you may know, I had been working at Christ Church for a few years and volunteering in the youth ministry there. When it became apparent that my calling lay in youth ministry and not church administration, the church trained me to become a full-time youth minister that could go to another church and build up a ministry. Up to that point, the only Episcopal Church I had ever been in was Christ Church. I thought that all Episcopal Churches were like that one. Growing, strong, lots of staff, lots of money.
My first interview was an eye-opener.
It was a small church. Smaller than this one. The church office was a single-wide trailer. The Rectors computer was even older than the one in Tonyaʼs office right now. The Rector was an agreeable fellow, and the only staff person. He told me they were a Rite One church. I had no idea what he was talking about. It didnʼt take me long to realize that this was not the place for me. When the Rector offered me the job, he did it in a way that I will never forget.
He told me that I could work part-time for the church, and there was a member of the church that could hire me on in his computer business and could train me to get my Microsoft Certification so that I could make really good money. I couldnʼt believe what he was saying. I told him that I wanted to be a Full Time Youth Minister. He kind of chuckled and told me there was no future in Full Time Youth Ministry. Then he asked me a question, Iʼll never forget. He asked, “What do you want to be doing in ten years?” Without any hesitation, I said, “Youth Ministry” He said some other things, which I didnʼt really hear, partially because I was a little in shock over the whole experience, partially because by this time, I had checked out of the interview.
I wish that I could remember who the priest was so that I could call him up and ask him if he remembers the conversation and tell him that, here, ten years later, I am still a Full Time Youth Minister.... at least I am today.
I am still running into people who donʼt know this, but in case you havenʼt heard, because of the situation that we are in, budget wise, my last day here will be May 31st. In many ways, because of this situation, I can feel Jesusʼ pain when he laments Jerusalem in todays gospel.
In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross put forth a theory describing the five stages of grief. While there is an order to the stages, people do not necessarily go through them sequentially, and many people do not go through all five stages. When we look at Jesusʼ journey to the cross, we can see some of these stages, some through Jesus, some through his disciples.
The first stage is Denial. We donʼt want to believe the inevitable. We see this clearly in Matthew chapter 16, verse 21: “Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!" Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me” Jesusʼ choice of words is interesting here. If you will recall last week in our readings when Satan is tempting Jesus in the desert, when he asks Jesus to worship him, Jesus says the same thing “Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.” The reading ended by saying that Satan withdrew until a more opportune time. I wonder if Peter was unwittingly a part of Satanʼs last temptation.
As long ago as Mid-October, I got phone calls from a few friends that tried to warn me that my time here at St. Lukeʼs was going to be over soon. At the time, I have to admit, I was in complete denial. I knew that God had called my family to this place to fulfill a purpose. A purpose that I felt had not yet been fulfilled.
The second stage is Anger. When Jesus comes to Jerusalem for the last time, he went into the temple overturned the tables of the money changers in the courtyard. He even made a whip out of cords to do it with telling them that they had turned his Fatherʼs house into a den of thieves. Jesus is obviously angry here. He knows that his crucifixion is near. I wonʼt go as far to say that he was angry at that, but I am sure, that as a 100% God, 100% human being, he was probably a little stressed. We definitely see that in the Garden of Gethsemane.
When the news came down from the budget committee that St Lukes would not be able to afford to keep us here this year, I was angry. Not at the committee. Not at our pledgers, or Vestry, but at God. As I said, I felt that God had called me and our family here, and this seemed like a perfect place to accomplish Godʼs larger call on my life, which is to someday go to seminary. I couldnʼt understand how this situation fit into that plan. I wanted to quit youth ministry and church-work all together. I thought back to before I became a youth minister. Robyn and I had just bought a nice-sized home in Plano, with a HUGE backyard. Since then, every time weʼve moved to a new church our homes have been more and more cramped and our yards have gotten smaller and smaller. I think about my kids getting uprooted and moved from school to school. Patrick has been in FIVE different schools in his seven years of school. So I got mad. And pouted. Much like Jonah in Chapter four of the book of Jonah.
The third stage is Bargaining. Jesus doesnʼt exactly “bargain” in his situation, but we do see him in the Garden of Gethsemane asking God for this cup to be taken from him.
For me, the bargaining took a different approach. I had the idea that maybe I could get a job in the area and continue to do youth ministry here, just not get paid for it. Or maybe I could get a job that could pay half and work it out that the church could pay half.
Sound familiar?
Last week I went for a job interview. It was a place that would not have necessarily answered all of our problems, but it was a job. I gotthereearlyandIsatoutinmycar. AndIsat. AndIsat. I couldnʼt bring myself to go in. Because the reality is, I am a youth minister. I am not what that job wanted me to be.
God has called me into this ministry, and I can get mad at him all I want, or try to change the rules it doesnʼt change that.
The fourth stage is depression. This is the stage that is most commonly fallen in and out of or can even overlap with others. We donʼt see any real evidence that Jesus was depressed.
To avoid any emo moments here this morning, weʼll skip my part in this as well, but it is there.
The fifth stage is acceptance. In the Garden of Gethsemane, we see Jesus skip straight from asking that what was going to happen to not happen to acceptance with these words. “Not my will, but yours be done.”
I donʼt know if there is a harder challenge in an American Christianʼs life. Not what I want, but what YOU want, God. ʻCause I donʼt know about you, but I want all kinds of things. I gave up a long time ago on becoming independently wealthy, but I still want things. I want the big house. The big yard. The nice car. Iʼd love for our baby to start pre-K and graduate high school from the same school system.
I bet Abram wouldʼve liked to retire where he was instead heading off at 75 years old to wherever God had called him. Iʼm sure Moses wouldʼve rather tended sheep and settled down for old age instead of starting a war with Pharaoh and wandering for 40 years in the desert.
There is an interesting little scene in the end of the book of John. Jesus has risen from the dead and is eating a fish breakfast with the disciples and has a conversation with Peter.
“I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!" Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (John) When Peter saw him, he asked,
"Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."
Its easy to look around at what others have and to want it. Its easy to see why the Jewish people thought that if you did good things, good things came to you. Why people like Joel Olsteen can convince millions that God wants them to be rich and happy. But Jesus doesnʼt say that. He says “Donʼt worry about them. You, follow me.”
And I know that if I follow him and that if you follow him, that everything is going to be ok, no matter the circumstances. A beautiful prayer that is too often spoken only at funerals:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in the paths of righteousness for his nameʼs sake. Yea, though I walk through valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; Your rod and your staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presense of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Amen.
My first interview was an eye-opener.
It was a small church. Smaller than this one. The church office was a single-wide trailer. The Rectors computer was even older than the one in Tonyaʼs office right now. The Rector was an agreeable fellow, and the only staff person. He told me they were a Rite One church. I had no idea what he was talking about. It didnʼt take me long to realize that this was not the place for me. When the Rector offered me the job, he did it in a way that I will never forget.
He told me that I could work part-time for the church, and there was a member of the church that could hire me on in his computer business and could train me to get my Microsoft Certification so that I could make really good money. I couldnʼt believe what he was saying. I told him that I wanted to be a Full Time Youth Minister. He kind of chuckled and told me there was no future in Full Time Youth Ministry. Then he asked me a question, Iʼll never forget. He asked, “What do you want to be doing in ten years?” Without any hesitation, I said, “Youth Ministry” He said some other things, which I didnʼt really hear, partially because I was a little in shock over the whole experience, partially because by this time, I had checked out of the interview.
I wish that I could remember who the priest was so that I could call him up and ask him if he remembers the conversation and tell him that, here, ten years later, I am still a Full Time Youth Minister.... at least I am today.
I am still running into people who donʼt know this, but in case you havenʼt heard, because of the situation that we are in, budget wise, my last day here will be May 31st. In many ways, because of this situation, I can feel Jesusʼ pain when he laments Jerusalem in todays gospel.
In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross put forth a theory describing the five stages of grief. While there is an order to the stages, people do not necessarily go through them sequentially, and many people do not go through all five stages. When we look at Jesusʼ journey to the cross, we can see some of these stages, some through Jesus, some through his disciples.
The first stage is Denial. We donʼt want to believe the inevitable. We see this clearly in Matthew chapter 16, verse 21: “Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!" Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me” Jesusʼ choice of words is interesting here. If you will recall last week in our readings when Satan is tempting Jesus in the desert, when he asks Jesus to worship him, Jesus says the same thing “Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.” The reading ended by saying that Satan withdrew until a more opportune time. I wonder if Peter was unwittingly a part of Satanʼs last temptation.
As long ago as Mid-October, I got phone calls from a few friends that tried to warn me that my time here at St. Lukeʼs was going to be over soon. At the time, I have to admit, I was in complete denial. I knew that God had called my family to this place to fulfill a purpose. A purpose that I felt had not yet been fulfilled.
The second stage is Anger. When Jesus comes to Jerusalem for the last time, he went into the temple overturned the tables of the money changers in the courtyard. He even made a whip out of cords to do it with telling them that they had turned his Fatherʼs house into a den of thieves. Jesus is obviously angry here. He knows that his crucifixion is near. I wonʼt go as far to say that he was angry at that, but I am sure, that as a 100% God, 100% human being, he was probably a little stressed. We definitely see that in the Garden of Gethsemane.
When the news came down from the budget committee that St Lukes would not be able to afford to keep us here this year, I was angry. Not at the committee. Not at our pledgers, or Vestry, but at God. As I said, I felt that God had called me and our family here, and this seemed like a perfect place to accomplish Godʼs larger call on my life, which is to someday go to seminary. I couldnʼt understand how this situation fit into that plan. I wanted to quit youth ministry and church-work all together. I thought back to before I became a youth minister. Robyn and I had just bought a nice-sized home in Plano, with a HUGE backyard. Since then, every time weʼve moved to a new church our homes have been more and more cramped and our yards have gotten smaller and smaller. I think about my kids getting uprooted and moved from school to school. Patrick has been in FIVE different schools in his seven years of school. So I got mad. And pouted. Much like Jonah in Chapter four of the book of Jonah.
The third stage is Bargaining. Jesus doesnʼt exactly “bargain” in his situation, but we do see him in the Garden of Gethsemane asking God for this cup to be taken from him.
For me, the bargaining took a different approach. I had the idea that maybe I could get a job in the area and continue to do youth ministry here, just not get paid for it. Or maybe I could get a job that could pay half and work it out that the church could pay half.
Sound familiar?
Last week I went for a job interview. It was a place that would not have necessarily answered all of our problems, but it was a job. I gotthereearlyandIsatoutinmycar. AndIsat. AndIsat. I couldnʼt bring myself to go in. Because the reality is, I am a youth minister. I am not what that job wanted me to be.
God has called me into this ministry, and I can get mad at him all I want, or try to change the rules it doesnʼt change that.
The fourth stage is depression. This is the stage that is most commonly fallen in and out of or can even overlap with others. We donʼt see any real evidence that Jesus was depressed.
To avoid any emo moments here this morning, weʼll skip my part in this as well, but it is there.
The fifth stage is acceptance. In the Garden of Gethsemane, we see Jesus skip straight from asking that what was going to happen to not happen to acceptance with these words. “Not my will, but yours be done.”
I donʼt know if there is a harder challenge in an American Christianʼs life. Not what I want, but what YOU want, God. ʻCause I donʼt know about you, but I want all kinds of things. I gave up a long time ago on becoming independently wealthy, but I still want things. I want the big house. The big yard. The nice car. Iʼd love for our baby to start pre-K and graduate high school from the same school system.
I bet Abram wouldʼve liked to retire where he was instead heading off at 75 years old to wherever God had called him. Iʼm sure Moses wouldʼve rather tended sheep and settled down for old age instead of starting a war with Pharaoh and wandering for 40 years in the desert.
There is an interesting little scene in the end of the book of John. Jesus has risen from the dead and is eating a fish breakfast with the disciples and has a conversation with Peter.
“I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!" Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (John) When Peter saw him, he asked,
"Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."
Its easy to look around at what others have and to want it. Its easy to see why the Jewish people thought that if you did good things, good things came to you. Why people like Joel Olsteen can convince millions that God wants them to be rich and happy. But Jesus doesnʼt say that. He says “Donʼt worry about them. You, follow me.”
And I know that if I follow him and that if you follow him, that everything is going to be ok, no matter the circumstances. A beautiful prayer that is too often spoken only at funerals:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in the paths of righteousness for his nameʼs sake. Yea, though I walk through valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; Your rod and your staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presense of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Amen.
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